the epoch of youth

我知自己正處於一個女子的黃金時期
我知自己不應虛擲青春
但上磅時看到自己的體重不升反跌
我好難有危機意識.

我知我知.
我也怕會有報應
因此我決定今晚只吃七粒芝士丸 一個蘋果 以及一個蓮霧
因此我決定提醒自己肚子裡還有一件薄餅.

因此我決定暫時不花掉那一萬元.

因此我決定要好好珍惜所愛
同時保持清醒.

因此我繼續work my way up.

w.o.

是這本書一直帶領著我.





書頁都變黃了
我還在翻著.

it heals

深呼吸
呷一口芙蓉花茶

香氣在口中流動

稍微平靜了點.






嗯

再苦的都已過去
我還怕什麼.

for i know you are still here

Even were I to walk in a ravine as dark as death I should fear no danger, for you are at my side. Your staff and your crook are there to soothe me.

(Psalm 23:4)

:)

我該感恩.

只希望這好運能持續下去.





感謝主.

RP

My attempt to articulate myself
Resulted in vain.
Decided to forsake the part of me
I turned my back on the lamentable trait
That had once been indispensable.

My tongue hesitates.
It retreats.
It trembles.
The red snake tries to imitate
The way the dragon soar.
It struggles.
It stumbles.

Floundering
The red lump trembles.
It
.

Eloquence remains distant,
Clumsiness
Prevails
As ever.

Fragmented

I reckon it's better for me to remain in the corner
Reminiscing the past.
Instead of exposing myself under the spotlight
I’d rather stay covered by the veil
Of my alter ego.

I stuffed myself with the veil
The blackness overwhelmed me.
I tried not to breathe.
My chest felt the stabbing pain
My mind wandered
My throat swelled.
I couldn’t breathe
But I breathed.

I play with the wire
Attempt to walk on the tightrope.
The idea of giving in has been dragging me
Ever since…

Hidden,
Buried,
Secured.
They call it a double life
I regard it as a part of mine.
Indispensable.

The redness on the porcelain white
Poignant
But stunning.
I am a china doll
Wrapped up in the veil.

the broken pieces

I have been coming up with this plan for years
The idea of writing out the past has been lingering in my mind ever since I managed to cope with the pain.

This time I should be able to finish it.
Hopefully.

laundry

I dropped my blanket onto the floor this morning
and now I’m washing its cover.

How funny is it that the whole thing resembles a behavioral regression. It’s like how I react when I heard my professor hurting her leg when she fell onto the floor while sleeping (May God bless her. She’s a shrewd nice old lady).

But I’m clearing the mess now, which I’ve been doing since seven years ago. Mother left me when I was only thirteen. I’d been doing my own laundry since then.

I’d been dealing with the mess created by her for years.
I’d been handling the debris
the debris of a family
the debris of the mother-daughter relationship
the debris of my heart.

Our relationship improved a bit throughout the years, but I am no longer the dependent sweetie-babe of her. We used to tell each other I Love You before sleep, but ever since her departure, I found this phrase awkwardly disgusting.

She makes me phone calls every festival, and before she hangs up, she still says I Love You.

And I never said the three effing words to her anymore.

Throughout these years, I have become more or less a self-reliant person, I am grateful for the fact that she left me when I was still young,
when it was still not too late for me to become independent.
when it was early enough for me to pull myself together and get used to the adult’s world, and
when it was exactly the appropriate time for me to start doing my laundry.

.

It has been quite a long way since i made the decision last year.
It has been a year of clearing up the mess and trying to keep up with the spirit.
It has been an exhausting year.

I hated human relationships
I hated team work

But im glad that i'd made such decision.

My reluctance to working as a team and cultivating friendships (artificial ones) remains almost the same, yet i discover something more along the way of working with my counterparts. These are few things I learned throughout the year:

1. Never attempt to change anyone. People remain the same, especially the worst part of their personalities.
2. But sometimes people do improve.
3. Sometimes delegation is important and possible. It's better to train your team on different tasks than to let yourself doing all the work.
4. However, there are things that should better be done on your own.
5. If you feel like giving up, think of why you started it in the first place.

Now we're almost through with this. Looking back upon the previous year, I'm more than happy. It's like a self-fulfilling process, as well as actualization of a gigantic task by continual collaborative efforts.

And, not only did I gain precious experience of working as a team, I also made some real good friends.

I hate team work, but I love working as a team with you guys.

恭喜發財

願今年身體健康學業進步財源廣進:D